Break the Silence: (Domestic Violence Awareness Week 3)

In honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, for the month of October I’m posting about Domestic Violence Awareness once a week!  Missed the first two? Check them out here and here!

This week, I wanted to wait to post until after a really special event regarding Domestic Violence Awareness: Take Back the Night. Take Back the Night is an event dedicated to sexual assault and domestic violence victims. Here’s a little history from the Take Back the Night website: From the late 1970′s through present day, Take Back The Night events have been held by college and university women’s centers, YWCA’s, rape crisis centers, community centers, high school student groups, battered women’s shelters, and other organizations dedicated to helping women achieve safety and empowerment. Events have been held in England, Belgium, Australia, Canada, the Caribbean Islands, the United States, and likely other corners of the globe.

Every Take Back the Night ceremony is different, but I really wanted to share about the ceremony I went to because it was geared toward college students. A college student from Mizzou, Colleen McDevitt, decided to interview rape victims and put together a short film to get the word out there about sexual assault.

This is her video, “I’m a survivor of Rape”:

(You might wanna pause it & let it load. It takes awhile to load, but completely worth watching.)

Collen, Katie, Katlyn, Ellen, and Bonnie have brought up a very important issue through this video, and one that applies to most of us at College Lifestyles- the prevalence of sexual assault among college aged women. It is something that is more serious than you might think, and really common; Women ages 16 to 24 experience rape at rates four times higher than the assault rate of all women, making the college (and high school) years the most vulnerable for women. All 4 of these women in the video were 18 or older, and 3 of the 4 were in college at the time of their rape. The statistics are alarming of how common college rapes are; The most recent large-scale study, including students at both two- and four-year colleges, found 35 rapes per 1,000 female students over seven months (rape was defined as “unwanted completed penetration by force or threat of force”).

One thing that stood out to me about the women in the video was the fact that they all knew their rapist. A couple of them were dating their rapist, or their rapist was a friend. A couple of the girls from the video were at Take Back the Night to talk about their experiences , and they made a great point; they pointed out that often times we think of rape as the stranger that jumps out from behind a bush and rapes you. The truth is, though, that being raped by someone you know is way more likely; the statistics show that ninety percent of college women who are victims of rape or attempted rape know their assailant. The attacker is usually a classmate, friend, boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, or other acquaintance (in that order). The women in the video not only knew their attacker, but they trusted them.

We as college-aged women need to be aware of this. It’s scary how common this is. It could happen to one of us! Know what to do if this happens to you or your friends. Like I mentioned last week, Love is Respect has an online chat feature, or you can always call the National Domestic Violence Helpline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE). The most important thing is if your friend has been raped to support them, and not treat them like they did something wrong. And if you have been raped or think you may have been raped, talk to someone you trust and get the help you need.

To learn more about Take Back the Night, visit the Take Back the Night website.

To learn more about the video, check out Colleen McDevitt’s blog or join the facebook group.

Statistics from Center for Problem Oriented Policing.

Patrice is an intern with College Lifestyles (TM). She is a journalism major at William Woods University, and is a member of Alpha Chi Omega. She feels strongly about domestic violence awareness and is enjoying spreading the word.

Love Doesn’t Hurt (Domestic Violence Awareness Week 2)

Since the month of October is Domestic Violence Awareness month, and it’s really important to me since it’s my sororities philanthropy, I have vowed to post about domestic violence once a week for the month of October here at College Lifestyles (TM). If you missed last weeks post, check it out here. Since that post was a lot of facts, this week I wanted to focus on teen violence. As I mentioned last week, the statistics are scary how common domestic violence is in teens.

One of my best friends in high school was in an abusive relationship, and I witnessed it, as did several of our other friends. I had no idea what to do, and imagine that most high school students today would share my confusion. That’s why it’s so important to spread the word that there is something you can do to help, and it could make all the difference. That’s why this week is focused on teen/dating violence. If back then, I would’ve known I could have helped it may have changed things for the better.

Here are a few facts just to get an idea of how serious this. Statistics from loveisnotabuse.com:

• 89% of teens between the ages of 13 and 18 say they have been in dating relationships; forty percent of teenage girls age 14 to 17 report knowing someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend. (Children Now/Kaiser Permanente poll, December 1995)
• Nearly 80% of girls who have been physically abused in their intimate relationships continue to date their abuser. (City of New York, Teen Relationship Abuse Fact Sheet, March 1998)
• 1 in 3 teenagers report knowing a friend or peer who has been hit, punched, kicked, slapped, choked or physically hurt by their partner. (Liz Claiborne Inc. study on teen dating abuse conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited, February 2005.)
• Nearly 1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a relationship said a boyfriend had threatened violence or self-harm if presented with a break-up. (Liz Claiborne Inc. study on teen dating abuse conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited, February 2005.)
• If trapped in an abusive relationship, 73% of teens said they would turn to a friend for help; but only 33% who have been in or known about an abusive relationship said they have told anyone about it. (Liz Claiborne Inc. study on teen dating abuse conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited, February 2005.)

Scary, isn’t it? This is a serious, prevalent problem. It’s often assumed that only married couples or older couples suffer from domestic violence, but this is not the case. So what can you do?

If you think your friend is in an abusive relationship, talk to them. Be prepared for them to deny it, but make sure they know you can be trusted. Recommend they talk to someone like a counselor, teacher, or someone they trust. Give them a hotline they can call if they decide they want help. A good national helpline is loveisrespect.

Love is respect is a National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline sponsored by Liz Claiborne. One of the greatest features of loveisrespect is their live chat. They have peer counselors that will chat with you online 24 hours a day to help you with whatever you’re going through. They also have an 800 number in case the chat is unavailable for some reason.

Think you’re being abused? Chat with the counselors and they’ll help you with what your options are. Worried about your friend? Loveisrespect has tips on how to talk to them. Not sure if your relationship is good for you? Take the quiz at loveisrespect to see if your relationship is healthy. Liz Claiborne also teamed up with dosomething.org to create the program MADE, Mom’s and Dad’s for Education to Stop Teen Dating Abuse. They have a special page dedicated to Teen’s. What can you do to get involved? What do you do if you’re being abused? This page covers all that.

Loveisrespect also has a lot of awesome celebrity involvement; Martina McBride and her daughter have teamed up with loveisrespect to get the word out about teen dating abuse and educate both teens and parents on ways to stay safe. She is currently on tour with Trace Adkins,  calling it the Shine All Night Tour. Also, Lauren Conrad has teamed up with Mark to create the m.powerment by mark campaign, in hopes of educating young women and spreading awareness about the potential for abusive relationships that could change their lives. They created the Have a Heart necklace, available on meetmark.com with proceeds going to the m.powerment fund, trying to put an end to teen domestic violence.

This is such an important cause and one of the most relevant to people in our age group. Statistics show that women ages 16-24 experience the highest rates of dating violence. This includes all of us college students plus our younger sisters, cousins, friends, etc. We can make the change and put an end to this!

If you or a friend is suffering from domestic violence, call the National Teen Dating Violence Hotline at  1-866-331-9474 | 1-866-331-8453 or chat with peer counselors live at loveisrespect.org.

Patrice is an intern with College Lifestyles (TM). She is a journalism major at William Woods University and is a member of Alpha Chi Omega. She is passionate about Domestic Violence Awareness and loves doing her part to spread the word!

“Life is too short. Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness. Laugh when you can and let go of what you can’t change. Love deeply and forgive quickly. Take chances. Give everything and have no regrets. Life’s too short to be unhappy.♥”

Domestic Violence: No Joking Matter

My sorority, Alpha Chi Omega’s national philanthropy is domestic violence, so this is something that means a lot to me. Last year for our philanthropy week, one of the fraternities who participated made a banner with the Joker from The Dark Knight and put “Why so serious? Because domestic violence is no joking matter.” Clever, and kind of funny, but really true. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, so what better time to get the word out!? I’m doing my part here at College Lifestyles (TM) by posting weekly for the month of October about Domestic Violence.  With domestic violence being in the headlines a lot lately, (Chris Brown/Rihanna anyone?) it’s really important that everyone gets the facts because it really is no joking matter!

Even though this is my sorority’s philanthropy, I don’t know all the facts. So for this weeks post, I turned to someone who knows a lot more, Amy Zoldak, an Alpha Chi Omega alumna who has taken it upon herself to learn the facts about domestic violence and in May, started a weekly effort to promote domestic violence awareness via social media. So read what she had to say, and I guarantee you’ll have a better understanding.

Q: What do you think is the number one thing people need to know about domestic violence?

A: That domestic violence does not discriminate. It doesn’t care what color you are, how old you are, where you live, whether you are rich or poor, gay or straight.  It was  also a huge surprise to me when I learned the prevalence of teen date violence.

Q: Can you elaborate on that? The teen date violence? Is that really common?

A: The statistics are scary. Here’s a couple examples: One recent national survey found that about 1 in 10 female high-school students and about 1 in 11 male students said they had been hit, slapped, or physically hurt on purpose by their boyfriend or girlfriend in the past year. 1 in 3 teenagers report knowing a friend or peer who has been hit, punched, kicked, slapped, choked or physically hurt by their partner. (Liz Claiborne Inc. study on teen dating abuse conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited, February 2005.) Overall I think that the time a woman is at the greatest risk for domestic violence is between ages 18 and 24. For more information, I recommend these sites: http://www.safeyouth.org/scripts/faq/dateviolfacts.asp and http://www.loveisnotabuse.com/statistics.htm.

Q: What should people who know someone possibly involved in domestic violence do about it?

A: Yes that is a great question and a really hard one. I have been grappling with it and trying to learn as much as possible.
Here’s what I think. First if you are a bystander and you see or hear it, you should say something. Doesn’t matter what you say, even just knocking on the door can stop someone and make them stop and reconsider. Great video on that from @bell_bajao
If it is a friend or relative, the best thing you can do for them is reassure them that you are there for them and that you love them no matter what that when they need you, you will be there I think it helps a little to develop empathy for the friend who is being abused. I read Crazy Love earlier this summer by Leslie Morgan Steiner. It is a first-person story about how she came to be in the relationship and how she got out.

Q: Interesting! Do you think sometimes the blame gets misplaced on the abused for staying with someone who abuses them?

A: Absolutely. I also think that if you are a strong confident sort of person who doesn’t take nonsense from people, it’s hard to imagine why someone would hit someone else and also why someone would stay. Crazy Love does a good job of intertwining the story with the mechanics of an abusive relationship, things that she didn’t see as warning signs at the time in retrospect were quite clearly warning signs. Violence always starts out small and escalates… the abused one feels like she can fix him or she’s the only one who loves him or that love will overcome the other obstacles. Leslie’s story is esp compelling because she was 2 years out from graduating Harvard when she met her abuser. It’s not a matter of being smart or not. Here’s a video of her reading from her book.

Q: My next question is about the whole Rihanna/Chris Brown debacle. It obviously brings up a lot of coverage for domestic violence. Do you think it has hurt or helped people’s perception of domestic violence?
A: hmm. Interesting question. I think any time domestic violence is discussed publicly it is probably a good thing. I think the music community too seemed to take the situation very seriously. I heard that Chris lost invitations to perform at awards shows.
It is always disheartening to hear things that you hear… like “she deserved it” or “why doesn’t she just leave him?” but in the big picture, for an issue that was not that long ago never discussed in public…at least there is public discussion and you do hear a lot of education and positive programming (meaning actual facts and figures and stats), particularly from Tyra Banks and Oprah, actual domestic violence awareness not gossip and speculation etc.

Q: Ok last question. There were rumors that the Rihanna/Chris Brown thing was mutual. Like she hit him so he hit her back. Do you think that makes situations any less serious if it is something like that?

A: No. In fact it’s probably more serious. I just feel like there is no room in any relationship for physical violence.
I didn’t see Chris Brown needing medical attention. Just sayin… I think that a lot of what goes on in an abusive relationship is about control. The abuser abuses so he/she can have control over the abusee, and occasionally also because he/she cannot handle their emotions/rage. So it’s possible that the abuser pushes and pushes the victim until she lashes out in some way (hitting, yelling, etc.) then that somehow justifies retaliation. (this is just speculation, I am not a therapist and I have not done research on this topic). Like it’s not my fault, she made me hit her.

For more information about Domestic Violence, Amy recommends these websites:
www.ncadv.org -the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

www.ndvh.org – National Domestic Violence Hotline

http://www.caepv.org/- the Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence, and their executive directors blog is http://www.domesticviolenceworkplace.blogspot.com/.

To join in Amy’s weekly effort against domestic violence, follow her on twitter @Amy_Z.

If you or a friend are in trouble and need help, call the NDVH national domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)
and the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline is 866-331-9474 and you can chat online with a peer counselor at http://www.loveisrespect.org.

Domestic violence is serious, now is as good of time as any to get the word out! Join the fight against Domestic Violence today!