Dating As We College Co-Eds Know It

Long gone are the days when girls went to college to get their M.R.S degree and boys courted girls before their first kiss. Nope, the dating game has undeniably changed. However, it may have taken a wrong turn. College students experience more one night stands and mere dfmos (dance floor make out) in frat basements than genuine, honest dating and relationships.

College used to be a prime place for couples to begin new relationships, date around, and essentially find your life partner. Truth be told however, “dating” is no longer even a part of the common college student’s daily vernacular. Sure, people still go on dates, (rarely). But usually if they do, they’re in a relationship and official on Facebook of course. Rather, students enter the college life having to learn terms such as hooking up, dfmo, sexting, just-talking, DTR (define the relationship) and friends with benefits. Although dating might be more confusing than ever, it doesn’t take long to figure out just how things work.

Hooking up is by far the most overused word of the bunch and also the most ambiguous. It could mean anything from just making out or even having sex, it’s all relative. Most of these encounters occur at inebriated frat basements in which guys especially, seem to only have one thing on their mind. Freshmen especially tend to play into what is expected of college students. Who can blame them? The excitement of living in coed dorms, attractive older frat guys, and plethora of athletes makes it’s hard to resist the temptations found in every crack and nook of college.

Joking about multiple hook-ups in one night, being sexiled, awkward morning afters and walks of shame become regular conversation topics for Pit sits and walk s to class. As a Freshman girl said, “girls on my floor define a night’s success by how many people we kiss.” Most of the punch-drunk freshmen are overwhelmed by the newness and exciting aspect of college and try to embrace it all, including the dating and hooking up that goes on. “I’m just looking to have a good time, the serious stuff should be saved for later,” a Freshmen boy shared. Don’t worry though, things tend to change as an upperclassmen.

Many freshmen come to college still in relationships with their high-school sweetheart and naively believe it will last. Although a few couples are able to do the long-distance thing and keep their relationship strong, the majority of couples break-up. The newly single girls and boys are normally the ones to be the craziest and dive right into the casual sex and dating game. Even older students generally still have someone back home who they casually hook up with while home for Christmas, Thanksgiving, or the summer. Others tend to stay in non-exclusive relationships with people from back home, basically making it okay for them to cheat while away at school.

Realistically, people seem to get into their more serious relationships at some point in their college careers, but unfortunately they don’t seem to last. College students are forced to submit to what is known as expiration dating (dating with a defined end date). “It seems like at Wake that many people start to date other people seriously sophomore year, but by senior year it kind of fizzles out” says a Senior female currently in a long-distance relationship. “People definitely date as Juniors and Seniors, but things just don’t last very wrong,” explained a Junior male. The cause of this may be due to the small size of some universities and especially in regards to Sororities and Fraternities, everyone knows everyone else. “Everyone tends to run in the same circles so there is a lot of overlap and everyone knows everyone else’s dating drama,” claimed the Senior female. Sophomore Shannon McGorry agrees, “being at such a small school makes everyone know everyone (at least in the Greek community), which makes overlaps between friends and the spreading of general reputations of people more easy than other schools.” With these complications, people tend to resort to their old ways of casual dating and casual hook-ups. One of the reasons for this may because girls let guys get away with so much more than they used to. Guys think it’s okay not to take girls out on dates and build that intimate, emotional connection. Rather, they choose to merely keep things “fun” and light-hearted.

Numerous people are in relationships that will have to make a significant decision as the year comes to an end. Couples will be separated next year, in two completely different areas, living two different lives. Some will remain here while their significant other graduates while others will be going where ever they can find jobs, separating them even further. The question of whether or not they should break up or stay together clouds the relationship from the start. A sophomore female currently in a relationship with a senior said, “We’ve decided to stay together after, I think the biggest challenge will be being in different worlds when I’ll still be here at college, but he’ll be off in the real world.” While other couples I know have decided to break up after college. It all depends on the relationship, the people in said relationship, and whether or not they think they can handle long-distance relationships.

Needless to say, although dating has returned to the 60s’ method of casual sex, it has by no means become less complicated, if anything, it is considerably more complicated. With its new vocabulary, technological advances, shifting gender roles, gossip and reputations, dating in college seems to be much less serious and meaningful. High School has now become more a place to have committed relationships. Hopefully dating returns to its old-fashioned self after college. But for now, the four years spent at college, it’s all about having fun and keeping things casual.

What do you guys think? Have you found this to be true at your schools? How do you feel about it?